Sometimes two people just figure out that they are never going to live together harmoniously. This is a trying time, particularly when you have children to consider as you’re going through the rest of your separation drama. With children involved, everything in life becomes a little more difficult and a great deal more complicated. But you can’t just pretend your children are objects who don’t need to know anything. Talking to them during this kind of situation is crucial for their involvement in your home and for their emotional development. The following are some things to remember.

Your Children Lack Your Experience

A child sees the world in a far less abstract and complex way than an adult does. To a child, things are far more likely to be viewed in black and white terms – life is simplistic. Certain aspects of a child’s life seem absolute – like the existence of mom and dad or the place they live. You and your spouse must absolutely hate each other to want to be apart, as far as most children view things. You have to explain to your children that this isn’t about hatred, but merely incompatibility.

Children Will Blame Themselves

Children are exceptionally egocentric, and think the entire universe revolves around them. As such, they almost always attribute your relationship problems to there being something wrong with them or with their having done something wrong. While this is obviously not the case, you have to explain to your children in no uncertain terms that this has absolutely nothing to do with them or with anything they have done. You need to have conversations with your children without buying them gifts or leasing electronics – doing so will only make them think you’re trying to buy their affection to make them feel better. Both you and your soon-to-be ex spouse have to both individually explain that your love for your children is universal and unending, and that the problems you have are with the other parent.

Children Will Associate With You

During the first few years of life especially, children view their parents’ thoughts and feelings as their own. The old command of “do as I say, not as I do” has never worked, and likely never will because of the natural tendency to imitate one’s parents. Because of this, your divorce will make your children more likely to have difficulty with relationships as they grow older. You need not explain this when they’re young, but you do need to explain that you’re making choices for a reason, and your children do not have to make the same choices you’ve made.

Divorce is a trying time, to put it mildly. Counseling your children through the process won’t make necessarily make things easier on anyone, but it will at least help them to understand the situation a little better.

Related Articles




Leave a reply