Okay, here’s the first item: US President George W. Bush’s approval rating has fallen to 28 percent in the latest Newsweek poll released last Saturday, an all-time low for Bush.

“So what if it’s low, it’s still a grade and it’s not zero,” George must be thinking.

“And anyway, I’m outa here in November next year. So the pollsters could make my approval rating .01 percent, but who cares?!”

How about the thing called legacy? Bush: “They say going to Iraq is lunacy, so what legacy are you talking about?!”

***

The Newsweek survey results showed that two out of three Americans – 62 percent – believe that Bush’s recent actions in Iraq show he is “stubborn and unwilling to admit his mistakes.”

Bush must be thinking: “You mean to tell me there’s still one American out there who thinks I have not made a single mistake? Boy, that’s great! I thought ‘Mistakes’ was my middle name – you see the first letter was just inverted (W).”

***

The Newsweek poll said that with Bush’s popularity hitting a record low, all three top Democratic candidates can beat the leading Republican candidates in the presidential race to replace Bush next year.

The poll showed that any of Democratic frontrunners — Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and John Edwards — could solidly beat either Rudolph Giuliani or John McCain, the top Republican candidates, in the election in November 2008.

If it’s Hillary for the Democrats, then why not recruit Monica Lewinsky into the Republican Party and make her the presidential standard-bearer? There’s no fight better than two women going against each other.

And if it’s Obama, then why not the “Terminator” Arnie Schwarzenegger for President on the GOP side? One is from Africa, the other is from Europe.

And if it’s Edwards… wait, who’s Edwards by the way?

***

Finally, Bush has found an ally in his war plans for Iraq – no other than the right-hand man of Osama Bin Landen, al Qaeda deputy leader Ayman al-Zawahri!

In a new Internet video, Zawahri said Bush is right to oppose the Democrats’ bid to pull US troops out of Iraq.

His reason: “This will deprive us of the opportunity to destroy the American forces which we have caught in a historic trap.”

“We ask Allah that they only get out of it after losing 200,000 to 300,000 killed, in order that we give the spillers of blood in Washington and Europe an unforgettable lesson,” Zawahri said.

Finally, Bush has found an unforgettable “ally.”

***

Spider-Man is setting box office records around the world in his third crime-fighting salvo.

All told, “Spider-Man 3” has sold an estimated $375 million worth of tickets worldwide, since opening internationally on May 1, distributor Columbia Pictures said on Sunday.That is the highest opening since “Stars Wars: Episode III — Revenge of the Sith” opened to $254 million in 2005, the Sony Corp.-owned studio said.

OK, get ready for “Spider-Man 4” next year, then “Spidey 5” after that, then Spidey 6, 7 up to Spidey 1,999 or before the world melts due to global warming!

What’s so special about this masked man with gooey hands and feet anyway? Clark Kent, aka Superman, could easily beat Peter Parker to a pulp any day, any time.

I guess the real reason is that Spider-Man has enough decency to wear his briefs inside the suit, not unlike Superman! 

***

And now for the latest on Paris Hilton:  In her first public comments since she was meted a prison sentence, the celebrity heiress and reality TV star has described her 45-day jail term for a driving-related offense as “cruel and unwarranted.”

Hotel heiress Paris Hilton leaves the Los Angeles Municipal Court after her sentencing.

Visibly shocked and tearful, Hilton was sentenced on Friday to 45 days in jail after a judge ruled she knowingly violated her probation on a previous traffic offense by driving without a valid license.Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Michael Sauer rejected the 26-year-old socialite’s defense that she didn’t realize her license was suspended and ordered her to report to a county detention facility on June 5.

“I told the truth,” Hilton told photographers waiting outside her Los Angeles home on Saturday night.“I feel that I was treated unfairly and that the sentence is both cruel and unwarranted. I don’t deserve this.”

Wow, a jail term for driving without license – but that only happens in America, and only if you’re a celebrity like Paris, and only if the judge is someone who would like to be as famous as Paris, and only if the paparazzis are still there to record every move that Paris makes.

***         

English funnyman Rowan Atkinson is saying goodbye to his “Mr. Bean” character forever. Atkinson, 52, first introduced the bumbling, clumsy loner in the 1990 TV series, “Mr. Bean,” and brought his character to the big screen in 1997 movie Bean.

However, after Mr. Bean’s latest outing in new film “Mr. Bean’s Holiday,” Atkinson insists he is “hanging up” the character for good. He says, “I think it’s highly unlikely there will be another Mr. Bean film or TV show. You must never say never but I think its highly unlikely.”

That’s not funny at all, Mr. Bean.