This had been an emotional January for me. I had broken up with my fiance just the other week, and to be honest, I didn’t really feel much pain. Just intermittent jabs of missing him. And one of those moments passed me just a few eternities ago.
Yes, like any other woman who bleeds when the love of her life is taken from her, I bled too. But on the days when I didn’t feel the pain, the loss and the longing so much, I realized that I didn’t get to feel all that because… I had the ultimate source of Love.
Truly it’s because I have my God with me and I actually got caught up in the flurry of events: I recently got hired in a call center, as a tech support agent. It was a crazy, fast whirlwind of happenings, actually. In reality, the moment I typed the draft of this, I was supposed to be on work time. Everyone was out taking a break, while I stayed there, in the training room, writing my blues away.
I was wondering why the sudden pang of pain and missing him. Then I realized something when I opened my only other call center experience’s account/client’s website: Valentine’s is fast approaching and I am… Love-less.
If there’s one thing that was unleashed in me only when I got me a boyfriend, it was my feminine, mushy side. It’s funny how this girl, who used to stick to black, silver, and shades of blue as her favorite colors, suddenly turned PINK. I started lurving everything pink, red, and purple, and it felt like second skin.
Another thing that love unleashed in me was the sudden desire to have flowers, or even just SEE flowers. I started demanding Facebook flowers, then eventually, email flowers. I loved getting them on my inbox, and, again, the transition was effortless.
It’s funny to me now that romantic love guided me from being a tomboy, into the girlwoman that I am today.
But it’s more phenomenal to note that true love, the love of Jesus, had guided me from the demonized freak that I was into the tamer creature that I am today.
While Porky’s love certainly turned me into a fully feminine creature, Christ’s love allowed me to focus and realize my priorities. No longer do I want to live for myself. I know that there is no move that I should make apart from Him, because if I do, my life will just fall into shambles…
And if you want to know why I let go of Porky, my fiance, let’s just say that God indeed is a Jealous God; and He wants our hearts to be wholly His first before He will give us our own hearts’ desires. 😉
Pardon the incoherence; the lack of sleep wreaks havoc on my verbal abilities. :p